Peace Be the Journey

It looked like I was pulling out of this downswing and break even stretch but its not my time yet. All I know is that when I run better and hopefully play better as well, I will take a ton of money out of the 5/10 at Cake Poker. The other day someone in a strategy forum thread named me as one of the top 5 regulars in the cake games. It was flattering and helped boost my confidence a bit which is good because as of late I have found it tough to really trust my gut and game which has gotten me this far. I have broken even for a month and a half, about 50k hands. Sometimes there is nothing I love more than poker, other days I think, "why did I chose this for myself?" But at the end of the day, I still really love what I do. I am not the type of person to stick with anything for longer than a month if I do not like it. Books, women, hobbies, jobs, classes-I lose interest in all of them after 4-6 weeks. Poker is a different, but what a whore of a game it can be at times. A few cheap thrills here and there, then its sucks a ton of money out of your hands, and leaves you feeling crappy about yourself. However downswings are odd, although I doubt myself a lot, it feels great to finally break out of a downer and crawl out clean on the other side. You develop a great sense of pride and achievement, not to mention the money is amazing at this juncture in my poker career. If I can replicate the run I put together a few months back, I would make six figures in 16 weeks. Basically you just keep the blind faith in your abilities to win, and eventually pull out of a nasty stretch. In the meantime I am doing everything I can to survive. You cannot let the game break you. It is really odd, poker is somewhat of a spiritual experience for me. Mentally it pushes me to the point of nearly snapping, but to plow through a stretch like this and start winning again feels so great. There's nothing to do at this point but keep kicking. This is why I stay addicted to poker, because it gives me huge rushes at times which are very enjoyable, but then other days it pushes me to the boundaries of sanity. Its a challenge and I like it. Most jobs I could have at this point in my life I would not find very challenging. Anyway it looked like I was back out of this slump so I played 5 10 last week and lost 8k very fast on a bunch of horseshit I am not going to even bore you with. Through all of this, one great thing I have learned is the importance of bankroll management, possibly the most underrated skill in this game.

I started 12 months ago with $20 and now fluctuate 5-8k weekly in the range of 60-70k. The thing to note is that I never stand to lose a significant portion of my bankroll in a given month. For some reason I do not have massive downswings of 20+buy-ins. It is definitely due to my style which is maniacal but quite passive when I run poorly. This may also be why I break even for long periods of time. So I might only ever lose 15-18 buy-ins in the worst of times, but those times last longer than they do for most winning players. I give up in a lot of spots where perhaps I should be calling. Today I dropped down to 1/2 and played like a drunkard, betting a lot, calling down light, just to see if I could be bluffing more in spots, or if I was folding the best hand too often. So far it seems that my instincts are good. When I run bad I am just too passive with second nut type hands and miss out on value, but back to bankroll management and how I got my start.

I took $20 and ran it up to nearly 1k in a couple months. One night I got really upset at some "friends." I was immature and weak. After drinking a lot I went online and lost it all. Later the next day I told my roommate Vijay what had happened and he shook his head at me as if to say "you're better than that." I took a break from poker for a while and decided to cut out some of the negative influences in my life. I spent 2 weeks reading 1,000 pages of poker strategy nonstop, rethinking old hands and new lines. I realized I had 85 tournament credits left in my account. It was free money to enter tournaments, which are basically a huge lottery. Down to my last 13 credits I entered a tournament one afternoon and played great poker. I had a massive stack at the final table and with 4 players left, had to run to a job interview. My fate was in the hands of my friend Neil who took over. I was sitting at CB Richard Ellis, a well known real estate firm. After speaking to Evan for a while he said he would recommend me for the job there. At the same time I was getting texts nonstop in my pocket. I rushed out of the interview to see that we had won $750. I gave $150 to Neil and kept the rest. Haha of course I go back home and sit in $100 6max games at bodog. When I look back at this today, I realize how lucky I was to survive, and that month I made 5k in such a short time frame. What a relief. I never got back to CB Richard Ellis and decided to play poker. At the same time it was also necessary to set goals for myself, and if I did not keep a certain pace with my poker progress, I would cease to play the game as a primary means of income. After breaking 6k I took shots at 1/2, made a few K, and moved to 2/3 with 8k. 2/3 was more aggro, but I ran hot after a bit and in 4 months my bankroll had grown to 12k. I was exactly on pace with my goals, 12k in 4 months. December, January, and February were horrific. At the time I could only play 2-3 tables at a once, so I hardly got in any good volume and my first really big downswing lasted for a while. I lost 3k in a day taking shots at 2/4. This was 1/4 of my roll. I felt awful and went to sleep at 3 in the afternoon that day. This was incredibly unhealthy. The next day I moved down to 2/3 lost a lot more, then went to 1/2, and still could not win. My bankroll was down to 6k and confidence at an all time low. At this point I made a decision to just get better and make sure to play 1k hands a day, while studying as many hours as I played each day. Great thing started to happen. Also, I determined that my money management system was a poor one as I stood to lose 1/4 of my roll in a shot at higher limits, and this was demoralizing. When I had 30 buy-ins for the next level, I decided to take 2 shots and if they went well I stayed there, if not I moved back down. This system got me all the way to 5/10 today. In February I moved to 2/4 then 3/6 and had 20k. Cake poker had opened and was supposed to have soft games so I took my money to Cake and had a monster month at 2/4 moving through 3/6 and into 5/10. I got myself a new car during this run.

I cannot really describe how proud I felt at the time. Writing this today in the midst of a nasty stretch, makes me feel really good to think back to my beginnings and the resolve I showed. Today a friend was watching me play and said if you continue at this pace you'll have to get a real job. He was hinting at the fact that I haven't made money in a long time, but that's fine with me. I go through runs of playing good poker, then playing bad poker. Its just how it goes with me. This friend, even though he made an asshole comment, I'm not sure it was intended to be received in that manner. He just has a poor attitude about most things in life. He cannot understand putting in days or weeks of work just to break even. Nor can he comprehend the idea of long term results. These last 6 weeks are a mere pothole in my entire poker road to success. I will bust out of this slump, with the help of good money management. These days I don't even play a level with less than 50 buy-ins. I could play 5/10 now but chose not to because I am not running well or playing my A game. I will step up when the time is right, and put together a 50k month undoubtedly. Anytime the goin' gets tough, just remember how far you have come, and that this bad stretch is a blink in your entire poker career. A lot of this game is just about heart. When asked how did you start winning at poker, Phil Ivey once said "just lost and kept going back." That's it, there's nothing else to do at this point but pack it in or keep kicking. And I intend to keep kicking. Haha long story short, when moving up, don't take shots at a level with less than 30 buy-ins, if it goes poorly drop down fast. Another option is to make permanent transitions with 50 buy-ins and drop down again if you lose 8-10. Either method is fine. Anything more aggressive is near suicide and will result in a lot of mental anguish.